If you think you have control of your whole life, you're lying to yourself. If you don't know it already, let me tell you. Life is chaotic and random and probably out to get you. Okay, maybe that last part's not true. Maybe.
It's when people catch wind of this fact that they find something they can control entirely. A lot of people turned to substances - alcohol, drugs, whatever. Some find solace in food, though I guess I could have listed that one with the substances. Some people even spend endless amounts of money.
Why? Because they want something they can control that will set off that little pleasure center in the brain. When I buy something I want, I feel good, even just for a little while. When that wears off though, I have to do it all over again.
It's where addictions come from.
I've wondered why I spend more money than I really want to. Part of me wants to believe it's because I'm a thrifty shopper and if I see a sale, I have to get in on it. Another part of me doesn't believe it's just this. Sometimes it feels like it's my substance.
It's unfortunate that in the times we feel most out of control, we retreat even farther into ourselves. Close friends get pushed away. We give up on dreams we've had. We stop trying.
It's not the people who aren't doing anything that go through hard times. If someone aspires to work at McDonald's, I bet they don't spend half of their life trying to reach that dream only to find out it could never be realized. It's those of us who want something more.
Those of us with a higher calling.
And I fully expected to start this post negatively and end it negatively, but I realized something while I was writing. If I'm suffering, good. If life is hard, it should be. If I feel like I can't take another step without my legs giving out, so?
A credit card and Amazon.com can heal any wounds.
Okay, maybe I'm just kidding about that last part. Maybe.