I spent the majority of my shower today thinking of a comeback to an insult tossed my way out of the blue as I stepped into work Monday. Not the greatest way to start my first official shift, but I had more important things to focus on, like not spilling drinks on babies. The insult was silly in all actuality. This guy, a brand-new employee like me, asked me when the flood was coming in reference to my jeans. To cover a few bases you might not know, at my job, we have to wear jeans that aren't frayed, and since I'm serving food, they're probably eventually going to be covered in various food product.
Knowing this, I went out to Goodwill and picked up a pair of jeans for the occasion. My options were a pair that was slightly too short (even though you couldn't even see my socks when I was standing up) or a pair that would drag on the floor. Thinking long-term, I figured the pair that wouldn't fray at the bottom would make a lot more sense, so I bought them.
Until that comment, I hadn't given a second thought to my jeans. They covered my lower half at work. That's all they were for. I didn't care what they looked like. Now, because of these backhanded words, I can't get them out of my head. Do I need to go back and buy new jeans? For that matter, are all of my other jeans of the same size too short? Have people been talking about how I must wade in things often to buy pants so short?
I hate being made aware of my appearance. Most of the time, I can get away believing I'm so much more than how I look. That if I have a pimple, it doesn't define me. That my lack of interest in the latest styles isn't going to hurt me in the long run. That who I am inside and how I feel is more important than anything I adorn myself with.
It just doesn't seem like that way some of the time, and as much as I try to not care about what people think about the way I look, I do. I didn't wear a pair of shoes for over two years after someone made a comment about them. I stopped wearing a different pair of jeans after another comment. I wasn't planning to get my hair cut until I was told it was starting to get "mullety."
I guess as much as I want to believe that I can get away with just developing myself psychologically, I'm always going to fall behind because I don't spend enough time reading GQ. My desire to be a better person will always be incomplete unless I'm also trying to buy the better name brands. I'll never be good enough unless the clothes I wear are.
No, you know, on second thought, I don't like that at all. I think instead, I'll just think of the guy who made that comment about my jeans, and realize that it must be pretty easy to buy jeans that are long enough when you can still shop in the Boy's section of Kohl's.