I don't know what it is, but every time I'm about to travel somewhere, two days before I get overwhelmed with the feeling that everything is about to go horribly, utterly wrong. It happens with the smallest of trips, apparently, since this one I have ahead of my doesn't last for more than two days. And I'm really excited. I get to go somewhere I've wanted to go since I started my current job. I get to see awesome buildings and meet cool people and hopefully help out on this project.
But I can't shake the feeling that all is lost. Hopelessly lost.
Where does a feeling like this come from? Truthfully, if asked at a time where I'm not about to travel, I'd say I like travel. I think I do, too. So I can't figure out where this is coming from. Where's this fear of "the trip" that inevitably comes from and what can I do to get rid of it?
I'm writing this with hopes that someone actually has an answer for this. It'd be better if I had some more specifics of the feeling, I'm sure. There are probably countless disorders, some of them maybe named just for me by this point.
All I know is that I had to sit down, right now, and put this down somewhere because otherwise it was going to eat right through me.
And now that it's out there, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. Maybe that's what the therapy here is. Imagining what you'll all think reading it and realizing you're right.
But this time, I'd really, really like to hear any words you have on the matter. Not about the trip. That'll be good. About me. About how to be okay.