It's pretty obvious from the stats tracker I have installed that a whole lot more of you are interested in my breakup than you ever were in anything else I wrote. So, um, thank you for that, I think. It's good to know you've all taken an interest in my life in one way or another. It just leaves me in a really interesting situation. I can't very well keep blathering on about all the problems that come with being dumped. I only have so much of that in me. I'd get sick of myself long before you all would ever get sick of me.
At the same time, I want you to come back. I want you to read more of what I'm writing. I want to give you what you want.
So do I go for the heart-wrenching? Maybe even go out of my way to feel hurt any opportunity I can so that you all have something to read over coffee in the morning or at night with your families while dinner's on the stove?
Or do I go back to what I was doing and pretend like nothing ever happened? I'm sure I can come up with other things to write about. Ideas are infinite, I suppose. I shouldn't force myself into a corner that I won't want to live in for any longer than I have to.
I guess what it really comes down to is the question always asked of art - does it have to come from pain? Even comedies, especially comedies, tend to come from a darker place than we want to admit. What are all of them about? A person or people's failing and how they are (or aren't) overcome.
Could it be that it's when these dark places are confronted openly that we most connect? When I look at my favorites (Garden State, 500 Days of Summer, Dan In Real Life), they're all about something sad. The inability to connect with life. The loss of something beautiful. Discovering something we can never have.
Maybe art doesn't come entirely from pain. Maybe it just comes entirely from honesty. And maybe honesty is about admitting to pains that are otherwise unnoticed or unspoken.
I want to make art. I want this blog, as simple and under-designed as it is, to be an outlet of artistic expression for me. Can it really be that if I don't face the darkest corners of my mind? Can it be that if I do?
If you ask me, an artist can't be an artist without confronting all of his demons. He knows his reactions and his triggers and even if he gives into them sometimes, indulges the worst sides of himself, he still knows why it happens. He can face it and own up to it when need be.
That's why, if you ask me, everyone should consider themselves an artist. The freedom not only to express what they're feeling, but the awareness of it. Everyone knows it's helpful when you're trying to write a movie.
Now I just have to figure out how it helps when you get dumped.