Scary Close

I know it took me way too long, but I just finished Scary Close by Donald Miller. If you've talked to me at all about writing inspiration or even life inspiration, you'll know that other books by Miller have paved the way for many of my views. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years was one of the most important factors in getting me moving in life and writing.

I preordered Miller's new book in hardcover. I don't order physical copies much anymore, and call me a heathen or what-have-you for it, but I just don't like physical copies of books everywhere around my house. I prefer reading on my Kindle (the non-Fire version). It just feels better to me and I can have thousands of books in one hand.

Scary Close is a book I needed to read for a lot of reasons. I think real, true intimacy is something that doesn't come easily to me. Maybe it doesn't come easily to a lot of people. As an example, a friend of mine recently had to talk about something painful for him and I found that I wasn't making eye contact with him. I was paying attention and engaged, but I didn't connect in that way.

The book also talks a lot about how Miller spent a lot of his life striving for the wrong things and they didn't fulfill him. That's another something I need to be reminded of. Even though I have these dreams of writing professionally one day, it won't answer all the questions I have. It won't give me everything I need. There are some things only provided by the right relationships.

Miller also tells a story of how he learned what codependency is in a relationship. He was in a class, of sorts, and the leader put three pillows on the floor. On one pillow, she had one person stand. On the other, she had another person stand. And then there was a pillow in the middle. The one in the middle represented their relationship. They each had their own pillow and they could meet in the middle. Codependency comes in when you try to cross that middle pillow onto the other person's.

It's hard for me to talk about, but I know I've been that person before. Miller says that he's probably killed love by holding too tight and I know that I have too. I wouldn't want to be anywhere with anyone instead of here with who I'm with, but I know I made the path here a lot harder, and not just for me.