It looks like writing about my fear of writing Raise Hell hasn't helped those feelings to calm down any. Man, I thought that would work. There's something I'm learning about life as I go through it and I'm not sure I particularly like it, but there it is. The thing is, sometimes things are just going to feel bad. You're going to have a knot in your stomach and you won't be able to quiet your head, but that doesn't stop the world from moving.
That doesn't stop you from having things you need to do.
I choose the word need very specifically. I know that writing Raise Hell is important for me. We covered that last time.
But the reverse is true too - knowing something is important doesn't always stop the bad feelings.
A lot of my bad feelings lately come in the form of anxiety. I get so convinced in my head that "I can't do this" that even if I do it, it feels like a fluke. Even if I've done it and survived a thousand times, it's the next time that'll get me. It's the next one I can't survive.
I'm not smart enough or wise enough to know what causes these feelings in particular, but I know that they're not real. At least, they don't have to be true.
Bad feelings are just that. They should be addressed, they should be felt, but they don't have to be listened to. We do have a choice in the matter.
And I know, the choice is hard. The choice is so hard. It's one of the hardest ones we make.
Like I said though, there are just some things you need to do, regardless of how you feel.
What I need to do is Raise Hell.