Not Today

I don't want to write today. Is that a bad thing to say? Should I be worried about my future as a writer again? That's something that hasn't happened in a while. I haven't taken the time to really mourn my past dream as a writer lately. Maybe I need to bring that one back again. Let it ruminate for a while. It's just that, honestly, with a full-time job and a full-time girlfriend and a full-time desire to relax when I'm not at the former, I find writing to be an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish. That's not a bad thing to admit, right? I get some kind of honesty points somewhere for that, don't I?

And if art is about honesty, does that put me on the right track? Please?

I'd still like to be a writer. I'm just seeing less and less that it's a real possibility in my life. Money is too necessary and none's coming from it. I'm okay with that, it just means that writing ends up as not as big of a priority in my life.

Maybe the fact that it works out like that means writing was never that big on my radar to begin with. It was just something I thought sounded fun because instead of doing physical labor, I would be sitting in front of a computer. There's something really appealing about that.

But then again, maybe the fact that I'm writing today, when I definitely would rather be doing anything else, is a good sign. It's really tough to see it from this close.