I've been off lately. Maybe you've noticed it. Maybe you haven't. I'm usually pretty good at pretending I'm not off-balance when I feel like my world's upside-down. All I know is that so many things haven't felt right for so long. Work has been an adventure. Money is never around long enough. Stressful situations pop up unexpectedly and stay for longer than they're welcome.
And all the while, on here, I do my best to be inspiring and happy and motivational and upbeat.
That only works for me for so long.
It's starting to feel too fake. I want to be all of those things, but I don't want to be all of them all the time. Sometimes I want to delve into the darker side of things, the downside of being human. They're there, believe me. Just because I don't write about them doesn't mean I don't see them.
The trouble is, I see them too much. That's why I don't write about them here. I don't want this to be a place of negativity. That doesn't breed creativity. I want this blog to be about growing myself, explaining myself, and sharing myself.
And I can do all of those things through unhappiness sometimes, I think.
For the longest time, my unhappiness has been hidden from everyone but my closest friends. What that means is that I'm happy, except when I'm with the people who make me most happy.
That's too messed up.
So if I feel the need to, I'm going to put something real here, even if it's not all about the cute fluffy clouds I watched float by today. Not every day's like that. I'm still going to talk about things and people and thoughts that inspire me, but sometimes, I'm just going to spill.
I wouldn't do that to you if I didn't think honesty here was important. I think it's what grows a blog.
And more importantly, I think it'll grow me too.