If I've Been Killed

First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to come find this post. It probably would mean a lot to me that you hunted it down, but if you're reading this, I'm dead, so can something really mean a lot to me? The afterlife is a tricky thing. I thought it was important, now that I've kicked it, that someone else know what I think happened to me. Obviously this is not without its own margin of error since I had no time to edit it once my clock struck twelve, but if I'm dead, this is most likely the way it happened.

The first thing to look for is if it looks like an accident. Those who wish to off me would certainly want others to presume that it was just the natural course of things. It was my time, if you will. Well, it certainly was not. There was nothing accidental about it. Don't believe the police reports.

Next, pay attention to who is both too distraught and who seems hardly effected. I've found that in studying people's reactions, you may be able to uncover a painful truth they're eager to hide.

Pay special attention to those looking to console my girlfriend (or will she be my wife by then?). If I've learned one thing, it's that the lust for something that belongs to another will stir up the most animalistic of feelings in a person. Watch for this.

I do not mean to say that my love has caused my demise directly. Of course, if she were to wear looser clothing and speak more harshly and maybe not do her hair so nice in the morning, maybe I'd still be alive.

Was my death caused by any similar objects? Was I strangled with a tight blouse? Is a mascara wand blocking my air passages? Did I choke on a hot curling iron? My killer will likely have thought these to be poetic in some macabre way.

I trust this gives you a good starting point. I'm sure the "forbidden love" motive was the first to cross your mind as well, but it can't hurt for me to be quite sure that it was made known. It is my death we're talking about, after all.

Take care of my girl. I didn't want to leave her behind, even if it was her long legs and sweet smile that inevitably led to it.

Oh, and if anyone tries to move in on her, make sure you take care of them too.