I was called "bitchy" the other day at work. By a coworker. One I thought I was getting along pretty well with. Then another coworker chimed in that she agreed. This was another one of the people I liked seeing when I went to work. Needless to say, I was a little surprised. I've never thought of myself as "bitchy" before. I never even really use the word because it makes me think of two cats fighting. I'm not sure why. That's just what I associate with the word. Two cats desperately trying to claw each other's eyes out.
I guess looking over my old blogs, you could say I have a negative outlook at times. I'm willing to admit to that one. I call it realistic, but to people who are more fanciful, it looks like negativity. I get that.
But "bitchy"? Like I just sit around and complain for no reason? That I won't abide. If I complain, I have a reason, even if you don't understand it (though I don't get what people wouldn't understand about "my table tipped me terribly").
Part of the reason I feel it necessary to complain is that I know how it feels to hold it in all the time. Emotional constipation is nothing to joke about, my friends. They make no Ex-Lax for your feelings. The difference is that if you keep your feelings in long enough, they will come rushing out, and it'll be just as gross as the imagery I'm aiming for here.
Plus, who hasn't heard that misery loves company? I'm telling you my horrible stories from work and home so you can tell me yours and we can share in the ridiculousness that life can be sometimes.
So, if you're thinking I'm negative, sure. Go ahead. We see the world differently and that's perfectly okay. But if you think I just complain because I enjoy it, you really don't know me at all.
Now that we're done with that, why don't we take a minute to go back to Indy Film?
The afterglow of the first draft has worn off. Now all I'm spotting is mistakes. Not negatively though. I'm seeing them with the eye of "Oh, this is what I'll do better." I'm already making plans for a whole new draft that could throw away most of the words I've written.
And really, if I'm not complaining about that, I'd say I'm doing pretty well overall.