I know I said I'd keep a schedule to my blogging, but today needed its own post. I couldn't let today go by without writing something down and putting it out there just in case anybody else needed to read it as much as I needed to say it. Sorry if this doesn't go anywhere (or if it goes everywhere). I'm just writing. Today, I said my goodbyes to my dog, Snuggles. Don't even get me started on his name, though. I got him 14 years ago, so of course I wanted to name him something awesome like Shadow or Chance (and of course the names I wanted were from Homeword Bound), but I don't think either of those names would have fit him as well as Snuggles. That's what he was, quite simply. It's like naming a child Nigel and he grows up to be a butler. It just fits, you know?
I don't know why I'm resorting to humor like that. I don't feel very funny right now. I feel like I lost someone who's loved me for 14 years. Loved me even when I was mad at him for barking too much, or licking the floor, or making a mess.
I think that's the value of a dog. You have to be just an awful person to not be liked by your dog. He forgets about how you hit him across the nose as soon as you throw that silly rainbow colored bear across the floor for him to fetch once more. The littlest amounts of love you show are multiplied by a thousand and thrown right back at you as he jumps on you as soon as you come in the door.
How can we expect not to miss that? It doesn't hurt in the same way as it does to lose a human, but it still hurts. We lose something constant. Someone who didn't hold grudges, or talk about us behind our back, or tell us we're crazy when we whisper all the things that scare us most into his ear.
I think that's why dogs can't live as long as humans. They don't have to take the time to apologize, to correct years of wrongdoing, to grow as individuals. All they have to do is come home from the pet shop one day and just love like crazy until they can't anymore. They love more in a short amount of time than most people do in their whole lives.
So, Snuggles, even though I know you'll never read this — you never were a fan of my informal writing style — I hope you know that I loved you. I hope you remember all the movies we watched together. All the times you woke me up in the morning. All the times I had to chase you around the neighborhood so you wouldn't run away.
I know I will.