Fear and Loathing

Well, it seems to be that time again. The time where I talk about how afraid I am that all of this writing is just a big waste of my time. Sometimes it's about the blog, but not this time. It's my scripts. To clarify, it's not that I think my scripts are bad. Not at all. I'm egotistical enough to think I'm a talented writer. Just not enough to know if that talent will ever take me anywhere. Will I ever have a script produced? Can't it start coming easily to me sometime soon? Could I actually ever make a career out of all of this?

I'm way too young to know any of these things. Too close to see the big picture, if there is in fact a bigger one than what I'm seeing.

What brought these doubts, you ask? It's this new project I've started. I foolishly thought that I'd be able to dive right in and no problems would arise since I'm just writing what I know. See? There's that arrogance again.

Well, I've hit the problems like a brick wall. My ears are ringing and my eyes can't focus because the blow was so unexpected. I thought I'd have the thing outlined in a day or two and be onto the script already. That's what a professional looked like in my mind. I thought that after I finished that webseries, I should be able to start playing like a pro.

But that's the thing about being a little egotistical. Part of you can't help but believe that no one will understand you. That things will be easy the next time around because you've got it handled. That you'll never do anything good because you're too unlike everyone else. Your confidence in your talent easily becomes a fear that no one will ever be smart enough to recognize it.

The pros? They just write anyway. Time to start playing like one.

P.S. I'm not too egotistical to admit that this post was inspired by Script Mag's wonderful "Balls of Steel" series written by the fantastic Jeanne V. Bowerman, one of the many people who's showed me how a pro really plays.