Fashion Sense and Sensibility

The one time I was ever in a Burberry, I picked up a grey t-shirt with a portrait of a duck on it. I'll admit this to you, the shirt was the softest thing I'd ever felt besides the fur of my manager's golden retriever, Stewie. Come to think of it, I hope they didn't make the shirt out of puppy fur. That seems unethical. No, I'm almost certain it was 100% pure cotton. The fabric of our lives. I'm getting off track.

The point was, it was a perfectly fine t-shirt. I might even pay a few extra dollars for a shirt that soft. Then I flipped over the price tag on top of the shirt. Handwritten, on this white little piece of thick cardstock, was something that haunts my dreams to this very day.

$200

What this means, with only a fair amount of extrapolation, is that there are people in this world who are willing to pay that amount of money to wear a cottony duck's head on their chest. And the shirt didn't even say Burberry on it anywhere that I could see. It didn't have the customary Burberry brownish plaid color thing either. It was a grey t-shirt like every other grey t-shirt you've ever seen in your entire life.

Except that it would've cost half of a month's rent for me.

Now's the part where this blog post gets a little more personal and I cringe to think about what I'll write next.

The truth that none of you probably know about me is that I deeply, deeply care about the way you think I look. Comments can make me stop wearing a pair of shoes ever again or make me really want to get a haircut or not get a haircut or shave my head.

It causes me a lot of anxiety, so I respond to it like I assume every other dysfunctional person responds to things - I go the opposite way. I do so very little for my appearance so that it if someone tells me something's wrong, I can just (pretend to) shrug it off and move along because hey, I wasn't trying, right?

But the real, honest to God, please don't judge me for this truth is, I was a really awkwardly skinny guy in high school and that didn't work for me and then I put on a considerable amount of weight in college and that obviously didn't work for me and now I'm somewhere in between and I don't know if it's working of if I've just been convincing myself that I don't care for so long that I can believe it from time to time.

I don't own a nice suit. I wear tennis shoes every day because I can barely walk without the cushiony soles they provide. I have a collection of t-shirts that I bought for less than $10 each with things that I think are funny or cool on them.

And all I really want is to be able to wear clothes that make me feel comfortable. To get my haircut in a way that doesn't cause me more work every morning to make it look like I didn't do anything to it.

For it to be okay that I don't spend $200 on one shirt with a picture of a greyscale duck's profile screenprinted on the chest.