I've talked about belief a little bit in my last few posts. In those cases, it was mainly about believing in the goodness that can be in humans and the strength we can find in ourselves, but I specifically choose to avoid the topic of belief in a higher power as much as I can. There's an incredibly poignant reason for this. I'm embarrassed.
I believe in God. I have since I was little. I don't consider it a matter of unintelligence like so much of the world seems to. I think believing in a higher power is a matter of hope. It's a matter of choosing something that seems illogical because it's better. Because, in theory, it should make me better.
I'll be the first to admit I don't live up to the standard held by most Christians. I work most Sundays, so I'm rarely at church, for one. I don't think that makes me believe in God any less. I just have to look for him a little harder than the rest of you. That's okay though. Really, it is. It's the things that don't come easily to us that have the most value.
But none of that's why I'm embarrassed.
Sure, like I said, if you look hard enough, you'll find people who think believing in God is stupid. They'll think you're stupid for it. I don't think I've met people like that. The people I've met are very understanding. They're very tolerant of what others believe.
They just don't think that people who believe what I do are.
You can't even turn on the TV without starting to believe they're right. Chick Fil A coming out against homosexuality? Since when did a chicken restaurant need a stance on sexual preference? Just give me the chicken. A church that claims belief in the same God as me picketing funerals? That doesn't seem to be the love that God preached.
I never want to have to say "Yes, I'm a Christian, but that doesn't necessarily mean I would automatically vote Republican." Or "Yes, I'm a Christian, but I've never boycotted anything just because a pastor of a megachurch said I should." Or "Yes, I'm a Christian, but I'm not going to hate you because you're gay."
These are not qualifiers that should be associated with my belief. In a better world, they wouldn't even have to be something that I'd explain. It'd be assumed that because I believe in the God who said the second most important thing you can do is "love your neighbor as yourself," that I'm going to actually do that.
I'm embarrassed, but not of what I believe. I'm embarrassed by so many of the people who claim to believe it with me.