Adult Friends

Have you noticed it happening lately? There's a easterly breeze heading in and it's sweeping across everyone I've ever met. The course of action I'm talking about, of course, is "The Engagement Effect." My Facebook account, seemingly every day at this point, informs me that someone new is getting engaged or married or having a kid. In the case of most of these people, I didn't even know they were dating anyone. It seems that significant others, quite unlike money, just grow on trees and people have been standing under the right ones, discovering gravity the same way Newton did. Clunk! Ouch! Oh look, I'm married. Something like that.

I'm not old enough to be the guy with married friends. I had Apple Jacks yesterday morning. I wear cargo shorts because I find the pockets convenient. I still don't really understand what a 401K is. I watched Power Rangers last week on purpose. That's me, and everyone else I know is apparently falling in love and committing for life. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. All that stuff.

What boat did I miss? When did the bandwagon go by and why did no one throw out a hand to pull me aboard as it rolled past me? If getting married is the cool thing to do at this point, I absolutely want to be involved. Hopefully closing my eyes, spinning around and pointing is an adequate way of making a life decision, because all of my other attempts lately have leaned slightly more to the catastrophic.

I don't want it to seem like I think there's anything wrong with getting married and falling in love and making babies and all that. There isn't. It's just the frequency at which I'm seeing it lately. If you saw one person lumbering down your street, eyes glazed over, you'd think someone was on a bad trip or "hey, look at that hipster, too cool to care about walking normally." If the whole town turns into that, start looking for Patient X, because you've got a zombie outbreak on your hands.

At this point, I'm going to start analyzing the water supply and stocking up on non-perishable food.