A Singular Sadness

Sometimes people do things you just don't like. Whether they know it or not, they do something that just isn't best for you and once they've done it, there's just no going back. You've already been changed by it, affected by it, moved by it. It's done. And so are you. Sometimes, that act is a friend you were just getting to know deciding to move entirely across the world.

I'm talking about my friend Josh here. Let me give you a little backstory so you know what I mean.

Back when I was still with my ex, she had this group of friends. I never had anything against them, but they were always pretty explicitly her group of friends. I even stupidly made that known to her. I don't know what made me so resistant to them, but I was. It hurt her, and as it turns out, it wasn't that great for me either.

I know most of them now. Josh especially. I mean, I knew him in the slightest ways before lately. I played him in ping-pong once or twice (and never stood a chance). He came along when we went out with her friends once or twice. That was about it though.

Then this summer came. Some of his closer friends moved away with school ending and so did mine, so we decided we'd be friends. It worked well. We watched movies, we rapped along to music, and we talked about girls. If guys can find that much in common, they're pretty much best friends.

So, for the most part, we were.

And I knew from fairly early on in the summer that he'd be moving away. I just didn't know it would affect me. After all, he was just one of my ex's friends.

Except at one point, he stopped being that. They stopped being that, actually. I started being someone who could make new friends. That's not something I've ever been very good at.

Then he got up and moved away. And I stayed here. And tonight, sitting in this dark, empty house, it feels incredibly sad.

I'm, of course, happy for him. I think. He's doing something really cool and he's bold enough to move across the world at a moment's (it seems like) notice to do what he likes to do. He'll have a lot of fun, for sure. We'll keep in touch.

I just hope I can stop thinking about how it affects me.