To start, I do have to give this disclaimer. Maybe I just know all of the wrong women. Maybe in my 25.5 years (almost), I just haven't come across the right women who are living up to their end of this bargain, but I meet a lot of people. The law of large numbers says that eventually I'd come across one or two that break the chain. I think. I don't really know what the law of large numbers actually says about much of anything. Or how it really works. Confident it proves my point though. Confidence is key. I won't even talk about me to get across my point, though I certainly have my fair share of examples at the ready. I think my friends can raise my point just as well as I can.
Once upon a time, I lived in L.A. You don't usually hear stories about stuff like this, but while I was in the City of Angeles, I had to get a haircut. This, more than most things, is a stressful idea to me. I hate haircuts. Once I find a place that can cut my hair the way I like it, I stay there. I never found that place in California. Let me finish the story though.
I ended up going to this old-timey barbershop type place. The guys cutting hair talked about women and Obama and there was a radio on in the corner. A radio. Crazy, right? So, I sit down in the chair and tell the guy how I want my hair cut and he obliges while making that weird conversation that old guys talking about young women make. Everything was fine. Then without about six hairs on my head left to cut, he stops and says "Maybe you should think about a new hairstyle." Then just goes back to finishing my hair.
I tell you this story so you know that even old men in L.A. don't think my hair is cool enough; don't think I'm cool enough. I'm not cool. I get that. But I know I have cool friends.
My friends are also single and from what I hear, it's not for lack of trying.
Now I haven't been the one pursued much in my life, but I think if a girl was after me, I'd at least entertain the notion if she expressed it. If she had the clarity to think "I'd like to go out on a date with that person" and the confidence to express it that simply, I'd probably faint, first of all. Like I said, I don't meet women like that. Second of all, the thought "I just don't want to ruin the friendship" wouldn't pass through my mind.
Because, and I'm going to say this plainly so it's painfully clear, a date does not ruin a friendship that was worth having in the first place. If your friendships with the other sex are so fragile that one date could ruin it, be a better friend. The problem then isn't the date. It's you.
And while we're at it, let's clear up some other misconceptions. You can't possibly be busy to text someone back. With the way technology is today, that's no longer an excuse. At least not an acceptable one. If you can't text someone back within 24 hours, it's not because you "can't." It's because "you don't want to." We make time for the people and things that are important to us. A text takes less than a minute of your time. You get 1440 of them per day. I won't bother doing the math for you.
Let's summarize. Women, be willing to go on dates. They can be fun and won't ruin your friendship if it was a good friendship in the first place. And don't give bad reasons for not texting back. We only believe them because it would hurt too bad to believe the actual truth.
Of course, it wouldn't be fair to direct this only to the ladies (though the title certainly suggests it could be). Guys, let's stop being guys. It's time to start being intentional. I know I have a long way to go towards actually taking a woman out on a date. Undoubtedly, my interest in staying in and watching movies has caused strife in more than one relationship. I know I could be better at expressing my interest when it's there. I'll learn to not be afraid to say hi to women I don't know. There's value in meeting new people. Of course, it'll have to be women who've read this. How else will they know to respond properly?
I say all this with half-joking sincerity. I know I'm in no place to call people out. But remember, this isn't for me. It's for my friends.
And of course, there is one exception. None of this applies to a girl I've ever liked or dated. The whole lot of you should feel well within your rights to stay away from pursuing men with all of your might. It's better for everyone that way. And that's what this whole post was about - making things better for everyone.