Why You Should Hire Me

I'm going to go ahead and write this post for any future potential employers who stumble across my site. It's a shame I haven't done it before, really. Why should you hire me? Because there's absolutely nothing I'm not good at. Well, except maybe being humble about how good I am at everything. Even then, though, I really think it's just confidence, not pride, so I go back to my original statement - I'm good at everything.

What? You say you get that from everyone? Well, try this on for size. I've even become so good at being unemployed, or marginally employed, as the case may be, that it's become something I excel at. I do more work as an unemployed person in one day than most people manage to do at their jobs all week.

I mean, I haven't really looked into that too much, but it sure seems like I do a lot in the average day. The mailbox won't check itself, after all. And how do you think Oprah got TiVoed? Yeah, that was definitely me. Like I said, I'm better at being unemployed than most people are at being employed. Look it up.

I still see that I haven't quite caught your eye the way I want to though. This concerns me. Are you not looking for quality in your candidates? Maybe I should take your job so I can hire other people like me. Yeah, that's the solution. Go ahead, switch sides of the table with me.

There we go.

Now tell me, why should I hire you?